#12 Detoxification

Hello Viewers!

I was selected for an internship and I was excited to work. I wanted to give my best shot and my mind was fixed on it. After some days, something was off from the organization but I let it go. Next 3-4 days, I was sure that I am not meant to be in this, I felt suffocated doing that work. My sleeping pattern was disturbed and couldn’t eat well. I discussed my problem with my friend and she advised me to wait one day. I agreed and also applied for another internship. I did my best to get selected in another and it happened.

The workload was too much for me in the first internship and somehow, I resigned. However, during this time I was in a dilemma, whether to stay or quit. I felt since it is my first one, I shouldn’t quit in between. But my heart was saying to give it up. It is not worth if it is giving me stress rather than enjoying it. I wanted to get out of it and feel free from that pressure. I did and joined another one. This is who I am. I leave when I feel stressed. I closed that chapter and move on. There is no other solution and I hate being stuck in one place.

The reason I chose this title is because you want to eliminate something or to remove toxins from your body. When you worry about health and want to stay fit, you eat healthy food and try to avoid fast foods. In the same way, mental health needs that detoxification. You need to break and relax your mind. Removing negative thoughts, negative people, and toxic relationships are much needed for the smooth functioning of life. Your peaceful life will be back after you eliminate these.

You may find that it is not easy to leave people behind. You are scared to be alone. But it is better to be alone than being stuck in a situation that has no hope. You can stay in it or come out of it. Believe me, a new opportunity will come to you if you want new things in life. You have to make it happen for yourself. Our life is worth taking risks and chances. It all happens when you walk for it.

Hope you all live happily!

#18 Birthday Wish

Hello Viewers!

Its been a long time since I wrote something but life takes turns and we never know what tomorrow will bring. I recently celebrated my 25th birthday, so many people wished and gave their blessings. When people celebrate their birthday, they wish to achieve more than last year, be in good health, develop themselves, or just enjoy the day with their loved ones.

When we are at a certain age, we realize that each year we are closer to death. We feel thankful that we can open our eyes and see the wonderful things around us. I always feel grateful for the people in my life who teach me every little things which are so important in life. Looking back when I was in high school, I always got to share my special day with family and school friends. But this year, i only had wishes and blessings. It feels that every passing year, I lose out friends. The reasons can be many, but only few remain my constant friend.

2020 proved to be great year to me, as I learned and practiced the art of letting go and making space for new things to enter. I lost a lot of things but gained what was valuable. Things were hard after lockdown and every day chores was tough. It took me around 9-10 months to work on myself. And now i am much happier, and mentally stable.

The only thing I wish this year is to see my parents near me. Its been a year since I saw them as they live in the Gulf and there is still restrictions on International flight. Whenever I see my mother through video calls, i realize i am incomplete. That I am still a kid who yearns for her mother. Her face tells that she misses us too and wants to come back here. If only my wishes were fulfilled by a “genie”, I could travel and meet her this very moment. While many of my friends are lucky to be in presence of their parents, they may not know that will become a memory and every moment we spent with our parents, we will cherish it.

I always wish you all remain healthy, happy, and spend good times with your close ones, for you may miss them when they are gone. Be a source of comfort and spread happiness where ever you go. People will always remember you as “happy-go-lucky” person.

#17 Overcoming Fear

Hello Viewers!

Fear is something which we all feel. It is natural, can be powerful, and a emotion which is from the beginning of the world. We fear when we are not sure of things, or when we feel that the risk is too high. Fear is of many kinds, which we can say phobias such as acrophobia, claustrophobia, autophobia etc. Some of us may have imaginative or mental fear of ghosts, the unknown. Every fear is related to some kind of incidents, accidents which the individual might have faced in his/her life.

However, these fear give individuals anxiety and affects the lifestyle of a person. They cannot eat, sleep, think and work like any other day. The one fear which can make you go mad, depressed is the fear of missing a person or letting go. When you are in regular contact with a person or a pet, and there comes a time or situation when you have to let them go, you fear of being alone. This is of course natural as humans are social beings, they need someone to share their happiness and sorrow. Just by thinking that tomorrow they have to let go, we make excuses in our mind for one more day. We would be hurt in their presence rather than being alone and hurt.

Overcoming fear seems too hard but it is not so easy. You have to deal with yourself. Overthinking a situation will cause you headache, no one else will have to go through it except you. Give yourself a break from it, don’t complicate the situation in your mind when in reality it has little impact. We all worry about our future, career, relationships, bills, social status etc. But how we work towards it, will make us stronger. If needed, plan through it. Organize your thoughts, think the best and worst outcomes that can come your way, make multiple possibilities for one problem.

Secondly, know yourself. What could possibly make you afraid of and note down the trigger points. Face your fears, running away is not the solution. For example, if you fear heights, you don’t have to bungee jump the next day. Take time to overcome this fear by going 5 floors a day and breathe. Doing this will make your fear less.

Thirdly, ask for advise from professionals. Experts will never lie for your sake. Talk out your fears, problems and listen to the solution. There will be different therapy sessions which will depends on how much time you can take to recover. But the end results will be worth. It is never too late to start anything. You can overcome your fears as soon as you work on it. Some people can achieve their result very quickly and some may take time. It all depends on you.

Don’t suffer alone, it is never a good idea. If you have a friend who fears something, reach and help them out. Explain through your experiences. They may end their fear just because you showed them the way!

#16 Being Assertive

Hello Viewers!

Have you ever felt that you have been left behind by your friends or don’t consider your opinion important during the discussion? Sometimes even family members don’t consider your views even for trivial things. I have faced that too. Over time I didn’t let those matters come to me but I was hurt when my views were not important. Speaking up about your opinion and views are important but how you deliver them and how you make others understand your opinion is also important. In life, you will face 3 kinds of people. They may be your relatives or friends or colleagues. You only represent yourself when you are interacting with someone. Your ideas and belief make you. There is nothing to be ashamed of if anyone disagrees with you. People have different beliefs as they come from different cultures, what they are taught, what they see and understand, will be very different from your personal views.

The 3 kinds of people that are discussed are Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive. You can simply understand by the example I am giving below. These 3 examples will let you understand which one are you. Now the names are purely fictional, its just random names that is taken, please don’t take personally!

1. Stephany is a shy reserved girl. She visits her friends when she is told, even if she’s busy. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. She just goes along with anything and has a lot of work pending. During meets, she doesn’t say anything when asked and likes to spend her time alone. Other than a smile on her face, she doesn’t express anything. Stephany is “Passive”.

2. Claire is a happy-go-lucky outgoing girl. She gets along and knows when to talk and express herself. Others always consider her opinion or at least ask for help. She completes her work on time with valuable information and is getting another top position. She always speaks very comfortably and openly to her friends, always participates in group activities, makes people familiar with her views and opinion but also welcomes criticism. Claire is “Assertive”.

3. Karen is a hostile and badass girl. She is outgoing but is pushy. She demands a lot from her friends and gets her work done. She knows her way around people and would do anything to get her needs fulfilled. Her opinions are different from the majority, she doesn’t like it when she is “assigned” rather she works which is more comfortable. She hurts a lot of her friends when she doesn’t care about their opinions. She speaks very loudly to make her look dominating. She lost a lot of friends due to her “Aggressive” behavior.

How can you be Assertive?

Being Assertive is all about how you represent yourself. You don’t want to be passive or aggressive when you speak up. People with a good sense of humor are welcomed at functions and trips because they get along with everyone. So how will you achieve that? Being assertive doesn’t mean you have to always respond to everything or get everything done. Remember you need space and a break from daily routines. Here are some tips that you can practice to achieve assertiveness.

Understand what you are. Are you passive or aggressive? Both are different and need different practices. If you are more inclined towards passive behavior, you have problems speaking up. You need to see your worth and make others see it. Practice in front of the mirror, talk about anything, write your thoughts and make a flow so that it is sensible. If you are more inclined towards aggressive behavior, learn what makes you trigger to be aggressive. Is it a person or an opinion? Express yourself precisely. You can do this when you practice staying calm in different situations.

Maintain eye contact when talking to someone. The moment you start maintaining eye contact and your posture, you give the message that you are listening and want to hear more. Practice assertive body language when you want to be listened to. People you work with are important and so their viewpoint. But they also need to understand what you are thinking. Sit/ Stand straight, don’t slouch, maintain your stance and look straight in their eyes. Avoid checking your smartphones every minute. It causes frustration. Excuse yourself if you want to attend a call but don’t make them wait. Always speak in a clear, firm voice.

When you start talking, you wait for feedback. Make sure you understand what they have perceived from you. Don’t hurry up and decide on one opinion. Ask if there’s any other alternative. Simple and clear language is important. You say what you want rather than using sentences like “I maybe want to do this”. It gives a clear message to others. If you disagree, state it correctly and confidently with facts like “I understand your points, but I disagree as (reasons)”.

If you have been saying yes to everything, it’s time to say no and start giving priority to yourself first. People take you for granted when you make yourself available every time or when you instantly message when they ping you. Unless it is important, make yourself a priority. You don’t have to message that person back because he/she is asking you to do their work. That is not right. Practice saying NO when you have loads of works. Start giving attention to what matters first and it will become your habit. Now just to be clear, if a person really wants to talk about their issues or need your support, be there for them. Maybe they will appreciate your efforts.

Advantages of being assertive

Creating New You: You start speaking for yourself and earn respect from your co-workers and friends. If you have new thoughts, ideas, people will come up to you. World leaders are those who have new ways of improving things. People who slouch or hide from the world, aren’t considered ideal candidates.

Make your Worth: When you start being assertive, you make yourself worth every day. You start making priority which matters to you and remove what doesn’t need your attention. You start expressing yourself and make others understand what you want. Either they will walk with you or lose you.

Inspiring Others: Others look at you and your confidence level. Don’t be afraid when someone asks how you have this much confidence. They are inspired by you. So many people are inspired by celebrities or a popular public figure because they know how to uplift and present in front of others. Think of this as an achievement when others look up to you.

Problem Solver: Assertive behavior makes you involved in a crisis and you make it solve. You get into details of the problems and start having many possible solutions. You always look towards the prevention of obstruction.

Drawbacks of being assertive

Disagreements: You face people who constantly disagree with your viewpoints and hate your guts. It happens a lot, but they are different from you. Like I said, you work on yourself and make it a priority.

Losing others: Some people will walk with you while others leave you because of their reasons. You can just make peace and move on.

Glares for speaking up: In a country like India, many people still consider speaking up against wrong will invite threats. But those who speak up against wrong, definitely are gazed at by the public.

#15 Claustrophobic Relationships

Hello Viewers!

The fear of closed or confined spaces is what we call Claustrophobia. Some people can’t enter a lift/elevator or ride a car with closed windows. Its in the mind that the space is closing on them and they feel suffocated within. This gives anxiety even when thinking of closed spaces. They always go to brighter places, open areas, and also less people. This fear will remain instilled throughout their lifetime. They get this fear when they enter a room with less lights and windows, even when wearing tight necked clothing. The people who suffer from claustrophobia feels dizzy, anxiety kicks in and lose control and sometimes faint or die(in the rarest case).

Claustrophobic Relations means when a person suffers in a relationship and feels suffocated. They can’t get out of it. Now, a relationship doesn’t end at couple, it can be Parent-child, siblings, friends, relatives etc. We see it more inclined towards couple relations. If we look at 2 individuals who like each other, they tend to share everything from A to Z. The first few weeks, or months can go smooth, they feel loved and care for each other. But the real problem starts when one starts to hide things. Transparency and trust which are pillar of, foundation of holding a relationship, starts to lose here. The other person starts to feel when something is not right. The sixth sense plays a huge role here when you feel that your “friend” is different in terms of behavior, talking, maintaining eye contact.

We tend to ignore our gut feeling and carry on with our lives. We understand that people are different and they will come around when they feel like. That happens when two people want to work their bond. However, the claustrophobic relation that I am talking here is about the Toxic relations. The ones where one person cant leave significant another. They are driven by the fear of loneliness, fear of missing that person, fear of getting their heart broken. It is acceptable that we miss people who are not in our lives but we shouldn’t let toxicity become a part of us. That will definitely stress us out.

It is hard to get out of claustrophobic relationship. People always get out and go back to it because they have that habit. Once we see that this process is not worth our time and efforts, we make a pact to get out of it completely. It is necessary to block all that road that lead to it, whether it is blocking that person, getting of social media, staying away from smartphones as long as possible, taking time to meditate and involving into something productive. After few months, you will glad that you took this step and made it so far. Nothing happens overnight, there is no overnight success recipe to life. You slowly but gradually get to where you belong.

Always trust your gut feelings and talk about it. Relationship works when there is enough communication, trust and transparency. We are so technology driven that real connection is lost between people. Getting of social media is a good idea once in a while. Make yourself a priority and people who matters the most.

#14 Peaceful Silence

Hello Viewers!

We have had our ups and downs in life. We wake up and live another chaotic day following the same routine. It seems like Life is on a loop, repeating the same thing. Every day is the same but when you look back a year, it was different. Last year, this day you were doing something else, had a fun and happening life or been through the worst. Everyone has a different story. The pandemic slowed us down and made us stay home for 10 months almost. Some of you learned new things, some of you lose a near one. But we all hoped this all would end, and we can begin our normal life again. 2021 showed me new colors to life.

I was living in gray last year, but new horizon is all I can see.

We can never see tomorrow, we don’t know if we will wake up the next day. This thought has scared me the most. Not waking up to another day, leaving behind all my loved ones, and the worldly things which matters to me will be of no use. This chaotic life was never peaceful.

I find peace at night, especially when everyone is asleep. This time I can imagine what I was, how I am now, and what needs to be changed. It is in the darkest of nights where I learn new things and my brain starts working. I don’t know why I am this way, but this is something that I can never change. This could be my “me-time”. A lot of people find peace where they work, or a walk, or talking to friends, it’s just their personality. I can only say that you can change yourself only when improving. Develop the personality that you imagine for yourself. Avoid toxic people and toxic thoughts, they are no good for you.

#13 Mood Swings

Hello Viewers!

Mood Swings are very common to us, we sit and overthink things and get mood swings that affect all our activities. When we see someone we automatically feel good or bad based on how that person treats us. It is the human perception that changes every time. We have created that imaginative scene in our minds when we see something or meet a person. I will create an example. Suppose we are at home being a couch potato, all of a sudden you get a message from your friend or family that there is good news and they will talk in detail. What will you think? It can be about getting a job, getting married or going to their favorite destination in times of Covid? You create happy images. Now if the opposite happens with them, the good news becomes bad news, your imagination creates scenes like an accident, or death, or robbery or anything which is associated with negative perspective.

Mood swings are changes in your mood. You can feel that you are happy and calm in one minute and the next minute you can feel sad, angry, irritated. It’s psychological and you can never understand. But what you can do is whenever you get these mixed signals and changes in your behavior, you can simply do take a note of what triggers your mood swing, and what you saw or thought that made your mood change.

We understand that mood swings come and go, which can be natural. The real danger is when it prolongs for a longer period of time and you constantly feel sad and irritated whatever comes your way. The main cause for your mood swing can be related to stress, work pressure, social anxiety, PMS, feeling isolated even with your loved ones near you. All these affect your moods and in the long run leads to depression.

I would suggest that before you enter the depression stage, know what are the things which make you feel this way, take help and sort everything out. It is better to stay sane than being stuck with yourself. Don’t drown into the pool of endless thoughts. Keep in mind that shifts in mood can vary in severity. Experiencing a range of emotions is a part of life. You may need to adjust your lifestyle to get back to feeling normal if you experience occasional mood shifts in mood.

#11 Hallucination

Hello Viewers!

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I ended up reading about hallucination. It is, as we know, hearing voice or seeing something which is not present. Its a state of mind where some people hear or see things which is not actually there. Now this could be called as seeing ghosts or as people refer ‘mental illness’. But why does it happen? How can someone see thing or hear which isn’t normal?

I have seen Bollywood movies made on hallucination. We only see that movie as horror or scary. I think everyone has seen The Conjuring, The Nun which are really scary if you watch it alone. You will remember the scary face because the makeup is like that. But the next day, you will be back to normal. That’s how we all are. But some are living these horror through out their life. They look normal to us but their behavior is not.

A friend of mine studies psychology and during her internship, she met people who had some sort of mental illness. One case was really interesting, A man could see someone saying things that would tell him to get hurt. She was scared but had to remain calm during the session. The doctor she was working with, asked the man ‘Whom do you see? Your relative or unknown person?’ He said ‘it is unknown to me but makes me to do things’. Now, I do not know this patient but I have sympathy that he sees unknown and might hurt himself. This illness has no cure and only medicines don’t help.

You see, we can go to doctors if there’s something wrong with our body, there’s a cure to it. But the state of mind is complex. We ourselves don’t know what is wrong with us sometimes, like mood swings, frustration, irritation or feeling low. We can only accept that we are going through a phase. Slowly and calmly pass through it. Talk it out to your friends or family. Just as you take care of yourself other days, spoil yourself in these hard times too. Take a break from regular activities, spend time with close ones, do your most favorite thing. I always say self care is important than anything.

I have respect for people who fight with their own battles. Psychiatrist and psychologist have so much patience to deal with people who have been through worst. If you know someone who is dealing with depression or any sort of mental illness, please help them or at least take them to professionals.

Time heals everything, but you have to work it out too!

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